Sex and the City was FAB FAB FAB!! Went and saw it with my usual film buddy last night, the gorgeous D.

Ive not watched the complete six series but want to go through them again now.

The film has had its critics, but myself and my girlfriend really enjoyed it. Audience clapped the opening titles as well as the end ones, and of course was a full house as first night opening in local cinema.

There were tears and laughter, and that was just me and my mate! LOL Of course it had lots of designer references, but it wasnt gawdy and the relationship between the four friends in times of happyness and sadness was so touching. The film was more about the relationship between Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, and how they helped and supported each other.

It made me think about the lovely ladies I have as friends in my life. And without some of them this past year I probably wouldn’t be in such a good place as I am now, emotionally. They have been worth their weight in chocolate, and I make sure I tell them so.

And the men in it, yum yum. Quite a few sex scenes and gorgeous mens bottoms. Im in lust with Jason Lewis who was Smith Jerrod, the guy who did that lovely Aero advert in just a towel.

I recommend it and give it a 9/10.

Sorry didn’t save you any popcorn.

Bonk Holiday

They forcasted bad weather in the South this Bank Holiday. Why do they always get it wrong? I had a house (flat) guest this weekend and had planned for the weather to be bad. However, it was glorious on Saturday and Sunday, then today (Monday) its rained virtually non stop.

Nope Ive not made a spelling mistake in my title. I declared this Bank Holiday as Bonk Holiday.

Now let me tell you a story, hope your sitting comfortably. About 20 years ago I worked for a Finance Company in Croydon. I was going through a divorce, married young, divorced young, no kids. I was part of a great admin team, and there was a team of male sales staff we hid in the basement. Now fast forward to recently, I was contacted on Facebook by someone I used to work with there. A guy who tells me he had the hots for me, but I just never saw the signals, probably because I was anti men at the time due to the divorce thing.

Well we met up over a month ago, and got on really well. So well that this weekend he came to stay, so hence Bonk Holiday. It wasn't all bonking, we talked lots and listened to music (our tastes are a tad different), and went down to Brighton and generally had a great time. Told him that he must be the most patient man on earth, having to wait nearly 20 years for a kiss!

We live in different parts of the country so for now good friendship and occasional bonking seems to be on the cards.

Its rather nice tho.

Insomnia

I’ve suffered from Insomnia for quite a few years now. I get to sleep fine but then wake up in the early hours of the morning and then cant get back to sleep straight away. Its called frequent nocturnal awakening. I usually get up and either read, surf the Internet or see if there’s something on the TV worth watching. It’s very rare that I sleep all the way through to a normal waking time, but when I do I feel so refreshed and rested. I do have some herbal sleeping tablets but its very rare for me to take one of these.

I’ve stopped having too much caffeine, I’ve cut out Cola from my diet completely, and its not made a difference to my sleep pattern but has helped me drop a few pounds in weight. So that’s not a bad thing. I sprinkle drops of lavender oil on my pillow, which helps me get to sleep but doesn’t stop me from waking up.

Although I wake up tired after insomnia nights, it doesn’t last for too long. Once I’ve had my morning coffee and my bath I feel fine. I no longer stress about my waking moments, I just take it to be part of my normal sleep pattern. No point stressing. I just look at it being an extra hour of ‘me’ time before I go back to sleep. Last night I saw a fantastic film, which I wouldn’t have if I had slept through. An Everlasting Piece, with Barry McEvoy and Anna Friel. It’s a comedy and set in Northern Ireland at the times of the troubles. Its about two friends who are barbers, one is Catholic and one Protestant, they go into the business of selling wigs and get into all sorts of problems. Lots of great humour in it, well worth a watch.

Thanks to N who did some research and let me know that under the Countryside Act its ok to pick wild flowers but not to dig them up. So if I see anyone doing that again by the river or woodlands I will be sure to let them know! A couple of weeks ago I saw a lady with a bucket and a spade digging up the lovely bluebells on the river bank next to where I live. Wish I had known that information then.

I’ve started the ball rolling this week towards taking a degree in Counselling. I’ve decided to drop the diploma after advice that the law will be changing and a degree would be a better qualification if im serious about this. Which I am. I have to do a pre degree course first, and have applied and it’s being run locally which is a bonus. Will keep you posted how it goes.

Hey, maybe I can use my Insomnia Hour to do a bit of homework!

Have a great bank holiday weekend and chat soon.

Mini Me

Had a fantastic day in Brighton yesterday. It was the London to Brighton Mini Club Run and my cousin from Bedford was taking part for the second year running. The sun shone, we had fish and chips, and ice cream for pudding. It’s amazing how many variations there are to the lovely Mini. It might be a small car but it certainly has variety and impact – bit like me really lol

My aunt and her daughter and granddaughter were there too, so a nice family event. Brighton was heaving with Mini’s and people. I didn’t mind the traffic getting in and out of Brighton, it meant that I could stop and look at my surroundings and all the cars and people. You don’t get to do that when whizzing through the town normally.

Theres loads to do in Brighton this time of year, the Brighton Fesitval always has a good variety of events. Must try and go see a few this year.

Silent World - Depression

Now I'm through the worst of it, I can look back and see with relief that I was always going to be alright, always going to be a survivor. My friends and family gave me huge amounts of support and listened to my ramblings and watched my tears. To them I will always be grateful for letting me go through what I needed to go through. I believe it was a process I needed to do.

Even though I had support around me in the midst of my worst moments of depression I always felt so alone. Not wanting to bother anyone, that my problems were my own, and didn't want to intrude on anyone else's life. I lived in a silent world. Here's what I wrote just after Christmas, my worst time. I stayed undressed, unwashed for three whole days. I slept a lot and wrote my feelings down.

I live in a silent world. Oh I hear the tap dripping, the clock ticking away, I hear my phone ring and I hear peoples voices on the TV and out on the street. I hear cars as they drive through the rain puddles, I hear my neighbours slam their front door and run down the stair well. Yet I live in a silent world. An emotional silent world.

I do connect with those my life touches, but only to a point. The point I feel safe with. They never know the full extent of my silence. I make sure of that. To me the silence is deafening, unbearable, almost too unbearable to live with.

Yet I do live, I do want to live, but am doing so just day by day. Trying desperately not to show the real me, how awful I feel. I put on my 'happy-I'm-OK-really-face'. And most believe me, but some do not, but they let me be me, the way I am at the moment. On the outside I am just me, going through my daily routines, or not if I don't feel like it. Making arrangements and plans for the not too distant future. I cant cope with too far ahead, it panics me. I don't know how I'm going to cope to get there.

I feel so lost in this silent world. I just wish I could break through and make some kind of sound, so I feel I'm back in control of my life again.

Thankfully it was soon after this lowest point in my life so far that my grief counselling began. I have been able to use my sessions well, opening up, emotionally, letting the inner me breath again. I'm now finding my path again in life.

Beautiful Sussex

Here are some pics of beautiful Sussex. I live about half an hours drive from Brighton, and its about an hours train ride into London. So a perfect position to be in. The photo above is of Brigton Pier from the rooftop of the car park in Brighton Marina, taken last summer.

My favourite places to visit are Arundel, an old town with a beautiful castle, Brighton Pier, Hove's seafront and to walk along and look at the sun glimmering on the sea with the beach huts lined up behind you. Ford open Market on a Sunday morning, you can get some fab bargains there especially just before Christmas. Chichester is a lovely old market town, and the Catherdral there is well worth a visit. Camber Sands has a gorgeous sandy beach that goes for miles when the tide is out.

The drive from where I live in West Sussex down to the coast takes you through some lovely countryside, the Sussex (or often called South) Downs. Old farm houses, farm land, soft rolling hills and cattle and sheep.

No wonder I love it here!

Camber Sands






Arundel







Brighton Pier

Sussex Downs

Who am I?

I'm a 44 year old English Lady, living in the lovely Sussex countryside. I married young, divorced young, no children. Several long term relationships, but none that have lasted, so currently single and enjoying it.

So why am I blogging? I found myself to be an Orphan at the age of 43, having lost my Mum in 2003 and my Dad in July 2007, both to different types of Cancer. I don't like it one bit, doesn't feel right.

Don't run away, this isn't going to be a depressing blog. But my ramblings about my life and things that happen to me, and thoughts and memories. Something positive.

So what do I look like? I'm five foot one and a bit (a very important bit!), auburn shoulder length wavy hair, blue eyes (hence blog name), freckles and of a curvy stature.

I have a brother who is divorced who has three gorgeous children. One of 21, one of 16 and one of 13, who get spoilt rotten by me.

After my mum died quite suddenly of ovarian cancer I became main carer for my lovely dad. He had Non Hodgekinsons Lymphoma for over ten years and had gone in and out of remission. My Mum was his main carer, so I just stepped into her shoes really. At first it was just sorting the running of the house and the finances, but as time moved on my dads health declined and more care was needed by myself and my brother. We became very close, I'm blessed with that. Dad went into hospital early July last year, his kidneys had finally failed. He was in HDU and then a week later he died of a heart attack. It was a release for him as he was beginning to loose the quality of his life and was going to be starting another course of chemotherapy and dialysis.

I don't like being an orphan at my age, just doesn't seem right that I'm now the older generation. I don't feel old enough! I'm having grief counselling and my doctor has given me some mild anti depressants , just to get myself back on my feet again. Ive had four major losses in my life over the past four years, and finally losing dad and caring for him has taken its toll on me.

So that's me in a nutshell really. Hope that you will come back and visit as I have lots to chat about and to tell you about my life.